An Open Email To Beyoncé

Courtesy of Ivy Park x Adidas

To: beyoncé@beyoncé.com

From: bestIneverhad@gmail.com

Subject: Where IS My Park?

Dear Beyoncé Giselle Knowles Carter,

Here we are again. Awaiting the launch of yet another Ivy Park Drip. I was unlucky with the last one, even though I signed on to the Adidas site a full half hour before the launch. I even went so far as to signing up for the pre-checkout where they took my credit card information and everything, so all I’d have to do was hit “pay now” when the collection went live. But like a thief in the night, the second that clock turned 4pm EST, my De-Grassy hoodie, along with my dreams of flossing on The ‘Gram, were stolen from me. No screenshots of my confirmation email with the personal info blurred out awaited my followers. No Insta Story of me lip-syncing to “MOOD 4 EVA” with the caption “Got that Ivy Park Drip. Happy Early Birthday to me!” was uploaded for all to see. No, all that I got was a pre-added to cart load of disappointment. I can’t say I wasn’t sad the rest of the day but by bedtime, I had convinced myself that it was a sign. I wasn’t supposed to spend my money on a $95 hoodie. After all, we ARE in a pandemic. I should be responsible and use it to buy more puzzles off of Amazon.

I had convinced myself I didn’t need the De-Grassy hoodie and I was GOOD. Then came the boxes. The HUGE Ivy Park product filled boxes, on what seemed like EVERY celebrity’s/ influencer’s doorstep. Is this real life? Not only was I unable to procure ONE item from the collection, now I had to sit through :: insert influencer name here::’s try-on haul, complete with two minutes at the top of the video with them just screaming and thanking Beyoncé. Is that EXACTLY what I’d be doing if I were them? Of course it is! But Beyoncé, I just want to know why? WHY would you send a HUGE box of your expensive collection to celebrities and influencers who definitely HAVE the money to buy your whole collection? Dan Levy doesn’t need an Ivy Park box! Kerry Washington doesn’t need an Ivy Park box!You know who does? Me! The girl who doesn’t have a hit show in syndication on Netflix …Yet ;-) ! Me! The girl who didn’t already receive an Ivy Park box from the last collection. So, I’m penning this open email to you, Beyoncé Giselle Knowles Carter, in the hopes that you will see this and gift me one of those oversized product boxes. Let’s face it, the odds probably won’t go my way this time either and once again my dreams of rocking one of your hoodies (this time in black) will be ripped from hands as fast as they got my credit card info. My only hope of getting any of your collection would probably have to come in the form of a Christmas miracle OR if you gifted it to me yourself, and like a good friend of mine once said, “closed mouths don’t get fed.” My mouth is wide open, Beyoncé, and I’m ready to get fed anything in a size small for tops and a size medium for bottoms. Please feel free to slide in my DMs if you’d like the address.

XoXo, One of your BIGGEST fans,

Chanel

*at time of publication, I DID in fact get through on the Adidas website and was able to get the Ivy Park hoodie of my dreams. This in NO WAY negates my shameless begging for an Ivy Park product box and will gladly take one and do a WHOLE try-on haul if the opportunity presented itself.